These last few weeks have been a whirlwind of both emotions and information. So far there hasn't been much new information on our situation, just confirmation on Elizabeth's condition. I'm going to be in for ultrasounds frequently to check up on both of us. Elizabeth has become notorious for being naughty in the ultrasound room. She almost seems to hear them say what they're looking for, then refuses to show them. I feel bad for the sonographers, but cherish every minute that we get to see her. I know that extra hour is a gift.
I just really wanted to express to everyone who has reached out to us these last few weeks how much your words of encouragement have been appreciated. I know that a lot of people don't know what to say. Mostly moms. So I'm writing this as a mom to both Seth and Elizabeth to let you know that I'm okay (Jeremy is too). Have there been days when I can barely wait until naptime to have a good cry? Yes. Do I sometimes think about Elizabeth's birthday with absolute fear and sorrow? Yes. This is hard for me. It's hard to see a pregnant woman be asked about her baby and if the nursery is ready. It's sad to hear about how different a second child's personality is from the first one, knowing I'll never know my second child. Sometimes I watch a brother and sister and wish the outcome could be different for Seth.
But I can say this with certainty. Those moments of sadness are far and few between. I may not know entirely what the future holds, but I know this: Elizabeth is God's creation. No one knows her or loves her more than He does. She's made the way He created her for a reason. I know that one day I'll have a relationship with her in Heaven that is perfect, and in the meantime she will be cared for by the One who made her. There is something reassuring about knowing that I will never have to worry about her. That she'll never know sorrow or have her heart broken, and that the only life she'll live is one filled with love.
A lot of you have expressed to me that you think I'm strong, and that most people couldn't go through this. I know it may seem that way, but I'm not really that strong, just extremely blessed. My closest friends are ones that I met as a toddler and have grown up with. Jeremy and I have dated for more than half our lives and every year we feel closer. All of our family is a drive away and has helped and supported us with any request. But what strengthens me most is that my hope is in the Lord. I know that I can do anything asked of me in life because He's there to hold me up. I am sure that nothing is given to us that we can't handle. I know that Elizabeth's story is bigger than I am, and that it has the power to change my life for the better. If you know this kind of hope, rejoice with me! If you don't, or have drifted away from it, I encourage you to seek it out.
So that's where I'm at, and have been. If you see me with a smile on my face, it's not an act. I'm okay! I love talking about this adventure and love hearing what you have to say about it. A friend recently referred to it as "the black elephant in the room" and it doesn't need to be that way. I'm relishing the time I have to spend with Elizabeth while she's in my care, and you are welcome to join me!
For those of you who have been praying, please continue. Pray for protection over our marriage and our relationships with family members. Pray for mercy and favor regarding Elizabeth's birth. Pray for the doctors and nurses that we see, and pray for our testimony as we live out the faith holds us up in times like this.
"I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made" Psalm 139:14
Josey
No comments:
Post a Comment