And one more thing.

Thank you to everyone who have brought meals, emailed or sent cards of support so far. Especially those who have continued to pray for our family. We have been asked by many what our memorial plans are and if there's a way to support us by donation. We are not choosing to have a formal memorial service or burial for Elizabeth. Instead, Jeremy and I plan to spread her ashes in a special place sometime this summer. Donations made in her name to Care Net in Kenmore would mean a lot to us if you wish to memorialize her life in that way. It's a non-profit organization that supports women who choose life for their unborn children despite their circumstances.  The address is: 6524 NE 181st St, Suite 9 (PO Box 82828) Kenmore, Wa 98028. You can find more information on their website: carenetps.org.

That...was awesome.

Hi All, Josey here letting you know I haven't fallen off the deep end or anything! Just been taking time to rest and reflect on one of the most incredible experiences of my life. The words are hard to come by as I am taken aback by raw emotion, but I'll try to fill you in. Have you ever seen a toddler clinging her dad's hand as he navigates her through something scary? She has trust that he knows the way to go and will protect her but she still trembles a bit. That was, and still is me. I had the promise of God's mercy tucked deep inside my heart and knew he would not leave my side. I was clinging to the fact that His timing is perfect and that He had a plan for Elizabeth's life even before she was conceived. Still, I trembled a bit. I walked into the hospital praying "You've got me, right?" He sure did. 

After a birth that was so incredibly well-timed and with the help of the nurses that couldn't have been a better fit for our situation, our girl was born! She brought a peace with her that was so heavy I was glad to already be in bed. After barely moving her leg to let me know she was alive, she looked like she was sleeping the whole time. Her heartbeat was rapidly decreasing. We knew that she was going to leave us quickly so Jeremy and I kind of played "hot potato" to make sure we both got to hold her. The nurse checked her heartbeat a few times to let us know where it was at. The last check though, she didn't have to tell us. Even though she hadn't made a sound or movement, we could tell her spirit had left. It wasn't sad though because I knew exactly where it had gone to. Since we didn't know what to expect, Jeremy and I had talked out all the different scenarios beforehand and I can say that we had the best one. We didn't have to see her struggle or gasp, and we didn't have to spend a long time wondering how many hours we would have left. God has been known to have perfect timing and this was a prime example.

It took me a while to pinpoint a certain word that encapsulated what I was, and still am feeling the most. It might not make sense, but I found it. Privileged. I feel so honored to be able to be Elizabeth's voice and get to hear how her life was impacted by so many. What makes me well up with tears is not as much sadness, or even joy. It's the weight of God's mercy that not only has completely covered me, but that I've had a front row seat as it has touched others. Many of you have written to me saying we have been in your thoughts and prayers. Lots of you have said how much Elizabeth's story has moved you. I wish I could answer every email and text. If I haven't gotten back to you, please know that those words have fueled my spirit and helped me so significantly. I've read all of them and am so appreciative of those who have reached out to us. We still covet your prayers. I have heard from others in this special club we've now joined that hard days are to come. Right now we're just awestruck at what we've seen and heard. Please don't feel sorry for us at this time! We've never been through anything so sacred and have never felt closer to the Lord or each other than right now. Rejoice with us as we get to not only reflect on God's mercy but envision our precious daughter at the feet of Jesus! Yes, we feel like she's missing...but she most certainly is not lost.

One thing I am dreading is going out into the real world without her. I'm worried that people won't know what to say to me so they won't say anything. Will you help me with this? Eggshells are not what I'm used to walking on and I don't want you to feel like you're on them around me. If you see me please say something! You don't have to worry about it being the right thing to say because I probably won't say the right thing back! Jeremy's not as sensitive to this kind of thing, but I really am. I walked the hospital floors thinking "Do they know what's going on?" It's so awkward and I feel vulnerable wondering if it'll be brought up or not. We don't mind talking about it at all, and will answer any question, even if it seems insensitive. Don't think for a minute that addressing our loss will suddenly make us think about it. We're already thinking about it all the time. Even just saying "I heard about Elizabeth" or "I've read your emails" will take the pressure off me. Don't worry about making me cry in front of you. I deal with this little thing called pride. Have you heard of it? If I cried in public the best response to that would be a high five! 

I'm going to get back to resting now. Thank you for walking with us, even if we haven't met in person. Thank you for letting us share our adventure with you. I'll make sure to update again as we continue!

Josey 

P.S. This photo was taken right after Elizabeth was born. She's alive, just still really messy! We had beautiful pictures taken after she had passed that once we get them back will share with whoever would be interested. I want to make sure to be sensitive to you if you're not comfortable so I won't post them on the blog.  

Elizabeth has gone HOME!

Hey everyone Jeremy here! I'm taking over for Josey who is completely exhausted after 1 and a half hours of sleep last night, and delivering the most beautiful baby girl I have ever seen!!! Elizabeth Joan Horst was born 3/5/2012 @ 3:56pm, 4lbs10oz and 18.39inches. She left to be with Jesus about 20 minutes later, she had a very week heartbeat of about 40bpm and did not have much energy to move or open her eyes after being born. Josey, I have to say is what most nurses would call a perfect baby delivering machine! (don't tell her I said that) You would think that she has had 10 kids or something, actual delivery time of about 30 min until Elizabeth was born. And I have proof!

The two lines at the right represent dilation and baby popping out, it was crazy!!! This all was God's timing, he created an almost stress free environment for our Elizabeth to enter this world so we could hold her while she was still alive, and he granted our prayer!!!

I will let Josey fill all of you in on the details, all I can say about my experience is that at the age of 15 if someone had told me the journey that my life would have by the age of 31, I would have laughed in your face. But my faith in God has brought me to a place in my life that I could have never imagined! I also cried like a baby until she was taken out of the room, but my tears (yes held up this whole time) were the most joyous tears I have ever cried in my entire life. Knowing that my baby girl is in heaven and I will someday join her and tell her what a life changing experience she has created for me and many!!!!




-Jeremy

E-Day!

Hi Everyone!

Just a quick note to let you know all is well so far! You must be fulfilling my request for prayers of an easy delivery because it's been progressing and with little pain. Our kiddo is still kicking and handling it fine also. We have a fantastic nurse too! Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers. I'll get back to giving birth now :) 

Josey

Getting close...

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me." Psalm 23:4

I've always imagined those words being clung to by people who are doing the actual dying, but as we head towards Elizabeth's birthday I feel they are near to my heart. We have chosen to induce labor a few weeks early now that she's considered "full-term" and will go in Sunday night to start the process. There are two reasons for this: first, my body is exhausted from combating preterm labor for the last two months; second, the longer we wait, the less of a chance we'll have to see her alive. Babies with her genetic disease often don't make it through the labor process and we want to make it easier on both me and her. I feel the valley start to surround us as the days click by. The good thing is that although some pressure and anxiety have kicked in a little, we're not afraid. We have a Shepherd who has made it clear in the last months that He is walking beside us. If you've had the chance to talk to either of us lately, you'd probably agree there is so much more to this story. As I start to walk through this valley I am comforted by knowing He's not going to leave. Instead of fear, there is an unshakable feeling that we are about to walk into something sacred. 

We have had many people express their support in prayer and we ask you to continue throughout the week. There is so much to pray for! Jeremy is working hard to get everything ready for his absence at work, and I'm struggling to stay present while my mind travels into next week. Please pray for an easy delivery and favor regarding Elizabeth's birth. It's okay if we don't have time with her on this earth, we're at peace knowing that the best scenario will be the one that happens. Please continue to lift up the hospital staff, especially our doctor during our stay.

The whole thing feels a bit bittersweet. In a lot of ways sad, but we are so excited to see her! We've talked a lot lately about how different of a pregnancy this has been for us to go through. Physically the same (especially the preterm labor stuff) but emotionally so different. When we  were expecting Seth we were so guarded that we couldn't even use his name. We weren't able to hold him until he was six days old, and weren't allowed to be alone with him until we brought him home a month later. This time around we have loved our Elizabeth without limits! The thought of holding her right away might seem like no big deal to other parents, but it is what we look forward to the most. It feels like what was lacking last time will be filled up, and we eagerly await those precious moments where it's just us and her. 

We will update as soon as we're ready to. Thank you all so much for your support, physically and prayerfully. It has helped tremendously to know we have a crowd of people who have walked beside us thus far. With love, Jeremy and Josey